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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!